08 May 2025 Kedoshim 5785: The Power of Words & The Art of Rebuke

Last Shabbos, we read the double sidra of Tazria-Metzora, and this week, we read the double sidra of Achrei Mos-Kedoshim. As our dvar Torah of last week related to the inyanei d’yoma of Yom HaZikaron and Yom Ha’Atzmaut (if you missed it, here is the link: https://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecturedata/1133823/Yom-HaZikaron/Yom-HaAtzmaut-5785), this week’s dvar Torah will connect last week’s reading to this week’s.

In Tazria-Metzora, the Torah deals with the Biblical concepts of tumah (ritual impurity) and taharah (ritual purity). Tazria begins with tumas and taharas ha’yoledes (12:1-8), the impurity and purity of a woman following childbirth, and then moves on to discuss tumas ha’metzorah (Lev.13) – the illness and impurity that afflict one who is stricken with the Biblical malady of tzara’as (an illness which has no translation or equivalent in modern times or other languages). Metzorah opens with the taharas ha’metzora and the process he (or she) must undergo to become purified and allowed back into society once again. At the end of Metzorah, we learn about tumas ha’zav (for a male) and zavah (for a female).

The concepts are far removed from our daily experiences in the absence of the BHM”K, may Hashem have mercy upon us. However, as these topics are included in the Torah, as esoteric as they may be, it means there are lessons to be derived from them in all times and all places.

Chazal teach us (Arachin 15b-16a) that the primary sin which brings about the nega tzara’as (affliction of tzara’as) is lashon harah: slanderous speech (lit. ‘an evil tongue’). This is the approach of Rashi in his commentary to Tazria-Metzorah. The illness comes about through a stingy eye and arrogance (Arachin 16a), which gives rise to lashon harah (ibid) and motzi shem rah (Arachin 15b), which cause an eruption of tzara’as to occur.

The severity with which the Torah views sins of speech cannot be overstated. It is considered an extremely grave sin (Chazal teach that one who speaks lashon harah is considered a kofer b’ikar – Arachin 15b), and since the metzorah caused a divide between husband and wife, and man and his fellow man, with his poisonous speech, he is separated from society and forced to dwell in isolation during all the days of his illness (Rashi to Vayikra 13:46).

In Parshas Kedoshim, the Torah commands us regarding many mitzvos bein adam la’chavairo (govern interaction between man and his fellow) (Vayikra 19). One of these mitzvos is: לֹֽא תִשְׂנָ֥א אֶת־אָחִ֖יךָ בִּלְבָבֶ֑ךָ הוֹכֵ֤חַ תּוֹכִ֨יחַ֙ אֶת־עֲמִיתֶ֔ךָ וְלֹֽא־תִשָּׂ֥א עָלָ֖יו חֵֽטְא – You shall not hate your brother in your heart; you shall surely rebuke your fellow, and you shall not bear a sin on his account (19:17). What does it mean ‘you shall not bear a sin on his account’? Rashi comments: לֹא תַלְבִּין אֶת פָּנָיו בָּרַבִּים – (in the course of rebuking your fellow,) do not embarrass him in public. While it may be a mitzvah to rebuke one’s fellow, the degree of sensitivity required to do so is generally found only amongst the spiritually greatest amongst us.

On this verse, Rav Yisrael Salanter teaches that first one must rebuke himself and rectify and repair his own failings. Only after doing so (which is, of course, a lifetime avodah), may he rebuke others (quoted in the sefer Kol Esin She’ba’Torah, Vayikra 19:17).

The power of words… the power of rebuke. The danger of improper words… and the danger of misplaced and uncalled for chastisement.

The great Mashgiach, Rav Shlomo Wolbe (1914-2005) zt’l teaches (after outlining and proving that spanking children is harmful, damaging, and should not be done), “Another technique as destructive as spanking, or perhaps even worse, is yelling. When a parent screams at his child, bystanders can easily detect the child’s terror. Screaming so powerfully affects the child’s nerves that he begins to shake. It is much worse than a light spanking.

“Of course, it is sometimes difficult for a parent to restrain himself… (and) staying in control of oneself (may be) very difficult. Still, one must remember that screaming does serious damage. In the early 19th century (two hundred years ago!), Rabbi Chaim Volozhin declared, ‘These days, people will not listen to harsh language.’ If we speak to people harshly, they cannot hear what we are saying. People only hear soft, pleasant language. We have no choice but to speak softly. Rabbi Chaim Volozhin concluded, ‘And someone whose nature makes it difficult for him to speak softly, or who angers easily when others misbehave or (angers easily when others) refuse to listen, is exempt from the commandment to offer rebuke.’

“This was Rabbi Chaim Volozhin’s ruling (in early 1800s): One who angers easily cannot rebuke another. How much more applicable is his ruling today, especially when it comes to disciplining  children.

“Threats impair growth and should, therefore, be avoided… We should find a positive way to transmit our requests. This is infinitely better than the negative approach, the threatening approach… This is part of the wisdom of education: knowing how to speak and when to speak” (Planting and Building, Raising a Jewish Child, Feldheim, 1999, p.48-49).

Powerful words spoken from a gadol b’Yisrael. Words count: they can build or destroy, heal or tear apart. Not for naught does King Shlomo teach us that there is a time for speech and a time for silence (Koheles 3:7). To paraphrase Rav Wolbe: the art to positive interactions, healthy relationships, and ahava (love) and simcha (joy) between man and his fellow man depends upon the wisdom of the heart and mind: knowing how to speak and knowing when to speak.

Rav Yisrael Salanter was noted to have said: “Worry about your friend’s gashmius and your own ruchniyus.” If we fulfill this dictum, we will reserve our rebuke for our own failings, improve our own character traits, see the good in others, and speak the good to – and about – others.

As the psalmist declares: הִ’ שְׂפָתַי תִּפְתָּח וּפִי יַגִּיד תְּהִלָּתֶךָ – Hashem, open my lips, so that my mouth shall say Your praise (Tehilim 51:17).

בברכת בשורות טובות ושבת שלום,

Michal